I’m not a mother—don’t ask, it wasn’t meant to be and I mean that in the most profound sense. My mom passed on 10 years ago, but I still miss her warm hugs and steadfast words of encouragement that still ring out when I need them most. She was a truly wonderful mother and cherished by her children.
When my sister, brother and I were very young, we chipped in our pennies, dimes and nickels which added up enough to buy a decent gift back in those days—we’re talking about 45 years ago. For one Mothers Day gift, we bought a rather kitschy, plastic statue of a chunky, homey-type mom proudly holding a trophy emblazoned with “World’s Best Mom!” We were so happy about our gift, we felt it truly represented how much we loved her as a mother. Her eyes lit up, as I liked to remember it, and she placed that statue on top of the refrigerator where it stayed until her death.
Decades later, Mom let it slip out that she had always hated that freakin’ statue. We saw it as a comforting figure; she saw it as depicting a woman who had lost her womanliness. I have to admit—the statue was ugly and plain. A dumpy-looking woman molded in gray plastic, her hair parted in the middle and wrapped into a perfect round bun. Mom looked nothing like that. She was very stylish when we were younger. No wonder she couldn’t stand it.
What woman wants to feel that her family sees her like a tired old lady? I was shocked. Not by her admission, but by our childish stupidity. I told her to throw it out but she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t throw out any gift that her children gave her—good, bad or indifferent. “You don’t ever throw out your children’s gifts.” This was one of her Ten Commandments.
I was very fortunate with moms. My mother-in-law Reggie and I remained close even after my divorce; she was my “second mom.” I wrote her a letter of love and appreciation about all that I learned from her and how she helped me. She was totally blown away and showed it to all her friends. This is Reggie at her 90th birthday party—she was a total party animal! I miss her love and strong spirit. I never wrote such a letter to my own mom and regret it. Write a love letter to your mom for Mothers Da—I guarantee she’ll cherish forever.
As I was going through the breakup of my marriage I spoke to many women, both married and divorced. Most had children and their voices broke as they spoke of this same syndrome: the loss of their spirit and vitality as a woman. Many felt stuck in a stereotyped role of wife and mother.
I had one acquaintance who remained fiercely independent even as a mother of three young children. While her third was still an infant, we once went away for a long weekend at a tennis camp. Her husband and a nanny cared for the children, but her mom was horrified that her daughter would abandon her children (all under 5) to go on even a mini-vacation without her family.
Which type of mom are you? How do your children see you? Do you need to make some changes?
How do you see your mom? What Mothers Day gift will you give her that shows you appreciate all that she is as a woman? Make sure that you write her a love letter of appreciation. Download one of our free, printable, Mothers Day Letter Backgrounds.
