Do you ever feel like your spouse or lover doesn’t listen to what you say? You’re probably right. Your love is picking up the quality of your voice, your posture, your expression…the emotions you are projecting—and is responding to that. What is unsaid is as important, if not more important, than the words you actually say.
Have you ever looked in a mirror and spewed out your guts just as if you were talking to that person? Look at the expression on your face. Is it scrunched up with anger? Do you have a tight-lipped smile that shows impatience or sarcasm? Listen to the tone of your voice. What emotions are you projecting?
Now honestly…if someone were talking to you looking and sounding like that, how would you respond? Probably not pleasantly, and you would say whatever you could just to get them to shut up and leave you alone.
Try practicing your speech in front of a mirror first. If you don’t like what you see in the mirror, chances are your spouse or lover won’t either. You may feel ridiculous at first, but remember, actors & actresses do this to get exactly the right effect. Don’t you look in the mirrors at the gym to make sure you have correct form during aerobics & weightlifting workouts?
Hopefully, you will remember how much you love the person you’re about to tell off and bring the high drama/negative emotional content down a few notches.
Timing is also critical. If you start hopping all over your honey with a litany of complaints & frustrations as soon as he or she walks through the front door after work, the chances are they’re figuring out how to turn off your emotional spigot because they just came home and need some chill time.
Of course, being pleasant about unpleasant situations doesn’t always work. Start with smaller issues & work your way up. Reflect what you want to see reflected back at you. Your SO may begin to relax when they realize you’re not coming after them with an emotional pick ax.
Setting apart something from your daily routine can help raise the importance and priority, so buy a special mirror to practice your speeches.
What inspired this? I haven’t posted since last year and came across this wonderful blog, Theme Thursday, that aims to help writer’s block. It provides a new word every Sunday and you then write a post around that theme for the following Thursday. Link to that week in your post and make a comment.
Uhhhh…the word “mirror” was the theme word for February 11, 2010, so I still have to kick this up a bit!
I’m hard of hearing, so picking up tone of voice, facial expressions & body language helps me to better understand what a person is saying. I rely on cues other than words more than your average person and it’s amazing how the words and the emotions can be like from two different planets.
I’m also a caregiver and am learning creative ways to communicate with Alzheimer’s and other dementia clients who can no longer speak or communicate normally. They respond quite accurately to the emotions of those around them. Before I leave my house, I make sure to look in a mirror and give an enthusiastic smile. It’s a sure way to kickstart walking out the door in a positive frame of mind.
