How Long Do You Plan To Stay Married?
Oct 14th, 2007 by Renee Michaels
Marriages in the U.S. now end in divorce at slightly more than a 50% rate, not a pleasant thought. We marry “until death do us part”, but prenups attest to this fact that most go into marriage feeling that there’s a need to protect your assets. The National Center for Health Statistics has free, downloadable PDFs about U.S. state marriage statistics, in case you’re curious about in which states couples stay married longer.
With older generations, some couples stayed married because that is what they were supposed to do. “Divorce is not an option” was reinforced by family, religious and cultural backgrounds and many stayed in very unhappy marriages because of this deeply ingrained belief. Holding a marriage together was the ultimate goal, not individual happiness or fulfillment. However, for many couples, this is precisely the glue that made their marriage work: devotion to joint goals in life. In traditional marriages, this generally meant that the woman supported her husband’s career goals over hers.
Younger generations, beginning with baby boomers, are a lot more self-indulgent lot. Financial pressures usually require both partners to work and contribute to the household income. Affordable housing is simply not available to most, and many younger couples are in hock over their heads to own a home that costs about 10 times more than what their parents paid for the same type of house. Women are simultaneously juggling career and child-raising.
Given all this, people still get married. Gays and lesbians are joining in on the “committed for life” route as state laws change. The long-terms benefits of a healthy marriage are not only for individuals and their children, but for communities.
I planned to be married for life, however, my marriage came to the point where we no longer functioned as a married couple and led relatively separate lives. I threw in the towel after 21 years. Gratefully, my ex and I didn’t have one quarrel over divvying up money or possessions. I constantly see news reports of couples celebrating 50, 60 and over wedding anniversaries. My parents were married for nearly 55 years, until my father passed away. My brother, sister and I had held a 50th anniversary party for them. My sister and I are divorced, and my brother and his wife are in the middle of one. Not what any of us signed up for.
Do you think you and your spouse can do the dance of love for life? If you’ve already made 25 years or longer together, what goes into the glue that holds you together?