Today’s theme is about “a person who inspired you to excel in life or who actually saved your life.“
Actually, this is yesterday’s which I began in the morning and am only now finishing. I decided to use stream of consciousness to select my topic. The first memory that came up was puzzling and I’m not sure how this fits with today’s theme, but I’m going with it: it was about a elderly man, Abraham Joffee, who was a resident in a nursing home and rehabilitation center that I worked in 37 years ago. Abe was there for rehab after surgery and after awhile, was completely ambulatory and in physical therapy to build up strength.
He could barely tolerate the company of the other nursing home residents as after all, he was completely lucid and articulate, and most of the residents were in various stages of senility. Almost all were going to remain there for the rest of their lives, however, Abe was eventually going to be released to a boarding home if and when he healed from surgery.
There was a tiny garden and walkway on the grounds where residents could enjoy the outdoors; the entrance was on the side of the building. Most residents were perfectly happy with this little bit of greenery and the outdoors. This wasn’t enough for Abe and one day he decided to wander off the grounds and found a friendly bar at the end of the street. I was the receptionist at the time and Abe decided to share his afternoon whereabouts with me.
“Hello, Missy. I want to go to the bar on the corner, but if I can leave by the front door, it will be a much shorter walk for me. Surely you won’t stop an old man from enjoying a beer or two and some decent conversation.”
I immediately freaked. Residents were never allowed to exit by the front door, which was locked and opened with a buzzer that I controlled to make sure this didn’t happen—let alone go to a bar and drink. I would lose my job if that ever came out. But, but, but…
Here was a man who wanted only to enjoy a couple hours of freedom, to feel alive and own his life. The opportunities at this stage for him were rapidly dwindling.
“Abe, how much beer do you drink?” “Missy, I only have the money for a beer or two every afternoon. I want to watch the sports and talk to people who can have a conversation. You know that I can’t do that here.”
“And what if you can’t walk back by yourself?” “Don’t worry, I can make it by myself, and besides I have friends there who walk back with me.”
“But I could lose my job!” “Don’t worry, you won’t lose your job. But it will help if I can leave and return by the front door. It’s a lot shorter.”
How would I feel asking permission of someone 40-50 years younger if I could go and have a beer and a little conversation in the afternoon?
“Abe, when have you been going out? “Around 2, I get back to the garden by 4:30 before they lock the side door.”
This was a small breath of freedom for a man who yearned for any bits of enjoyment that were steadily disappearing from his life every year. He was going to do this anyway, unless I told the nursing staff about his daily jaunts. Who was I to prevent him from this small enjoyment?
“OK Abe. You must be back by 4:30, before employees leave the building at the front. And if you ever come in drunk, this ends. Let me tell you, I know what drunk is. You can’t fool me.”
“Don’t worry, Missy, I don’t get drunk.”
So Abe continued his daily constitutionals and always returned on time. He was discharged to a boarding home and we exchanged postcards for a couple of years after that. While some may rail at me for allowing this, I knew that part of his healing was being able to assert this tiny bit of independence. I saw how residents gradually lose awareness once they were forced into a passive nursing home life.
So how did Abe help me to excel? To understand and respect a person’s spirit and determination to live life to the fullest, no matter how limited that may be. That bending rules in specific situations is more important than denying an individual a small freedom. To not be a petty bureaucrat.
More Week of Positive Blogging posts:
Hochmah and Musar
Mes Deux Cents
Bohemian Hippie Chick
Life of Maya
SpiritedStrider
Becoming a Woman of Purpose
Rainbows And Butterflies
Boring Black Chick
Musings of a Diva
Thank you, Ehav, for this wonderful idea. To spend an entire week reflecting on different aspects of being positive is quite a challenge.
[...] Celebrate Love [...]
He Renee,
Interesting post. I once worked in a nursing home, and I can relate to your words about who are we to tell a person who is older than us they can’t go out and feel alive. Especially, in a time when they need to feel alive the most. One day we may all be that older man or woman, just wanting to go to that bar down the street to feel alive. Thanks for taking part in A Week of Positive Blogging.