10 Surefire Paths To Divorce
Jul 4th, 2008 by Renee Michaels
Most of us get married to stay married. However, no matter how good our intentions, we all bring baggage to our relationship that can untie those knots of love. So what do you do if you’re married or in a committed relationship, maybe with kids, maybe not…and you see trouble brewing on the horizon? It takes two to tango, so you may be realizing that you and the once-love-of-your-life are doing a dance that’s going to leave you on opposite sides of the dance floor.
First off, I’m not a professional expert. My marriage ended in divorce after 20+ years of marriage but I certainly did the time. My ex and I remain supportive but distant acquaintances, so this is not going to be a personal dirtfest. I created this list from personal experience as well as doing mucho research. I’m going to blog about each list item over the next couple of weeks and give supportive resources. Please join in with your comments, advice and experience. Sometimes reading about another spin on a situation can help create an instant miracle for another couple.
Nasty Habits
Are you accidentally guaranteeing your divorce? You might just be repeating what your parents or family did. Gasp! No, never! But it might be true. Go through the list and see if you can own up to any of them. This won’t be an easy journey—you must face your own crap first and take responsibility for it, no matter what you think your spouse is doing to fan the flames.
I really feel that keeping a journal or diary can help work wonders. Why? Because when you get the jumble of words and feelings out of your head and written or typed down somewhere, it’s easier to figure out all the puzzle pieces affecting your marriage or relationship. It can be as simple as having a recipe box with 3 x 5 lined file cards, a notebook, or using software such as Microsoft Word or NotePad to write a few lines a day—as much or as little as the mood moves you. Always write the day, date and time on top so you can go back and refer back to different periods of time and see how you’ve progressed.
If the spirit moves you, make more than one entry a day. But if you don’t want to make an entry, don’t. Not making an entry is as revealing as making one—what are you avoiding? The silences we have with ourselves can tell us a lot. You’ll figure it out later on, just be honest with yourself. Whatever you do, don’t quit—on yourself or your marriage. Give it the best chance you have! And hopefully, your mate will see you changing and easing the path for them to change as well.
Note: If you are in a highly abusive relationship, physically or emotionally, you will need to seek professional counseling, either by yourself or, if possible, couples counseling.
The list below is not in any order of importance.
- Be physically abusive
- Have a substance or gambling addiction
- Refuse to have sex with your partner
- Be emotionally dishonest or unavailable
- Put others needs before your marriage
- Expect your partner to make you happy
- Treat your partner disrespectfully
- Refuse to discuss and resolve problems
- Micromanage your partner’s life
- Refuse to have children